As I mentioned in a previous post, rewriting the twelve steps of AA was an incredibly important part of my initial sobriety.  I found the general process of the steps potentially helpful, but saw some major flaws in its execution.  It seemed to me that taking the steps as-written could potentially take an already desperate, broken individual and take them down even further into self-pity and hopelessness than they had already gone.  The original steps included things like “admitting powerlessness” (Step 1), naming every single one of your “character defects” (Step 6), and eventually doing a nightly inventory of each time you were selfish, self-centered, or dishonest that day (Step 10).  For my own sobriety, these were not exercises I needed to be doing to begin to regain self-confidence and self-respect.  Luckily, there were resources available that would allow me to carefully examine each step and rework each one to better empower and enlighten.

Step 1

Actual Step:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

New Step:

I can no longer deny that I have an addiction. I fully admit that my addiction made me feel powerless, and that my choices and decisions while unaware or in denial of my addiction were destructive.

Inspiration:

The Twelve Steps of Realistic Recovery

Step One had to be powerful.  It requires a huge degree of both sacrifice and honesty, and I truly did not want to limit or disregard it’s importance.  However, I have a problem with the word “powerless”.

Merriam Webster gives us this definition of powerless:

Powerless (adjective): having no power : unable to do something or to stop something

The notion of being “unable to stop” seemed counterintuitive.  If I am powerless, thus unable to stop drinking, what is the point of trying to cease an action that is defined in the steps as inevitable?  I also saw this as a potential out for relapse, as so many other members of AA also have.  If I slip, it was unavoidable.  I am, after all, powerless.  My whole aim was to take back the power from alcohol.  More than anything, I never wanted to feel powerless again.

The act of admitting that I “can no longer deny that I have an addiction” seemed to be enough.  It allowed me a large degree of self-awareness without feeling inescapable and permanent.  Acknowledging that my addiction “made me feel powerless” also seemed more accurate.  I clearly was not without some degree of power over alcohol, as I had already made, and followed through with, the decision to quit.

For good measure, I chose to keep the line regarding the “decisions while unaware or in denial of my addiction” because it allowed me a degree of personal responsibility for my actions.  I did not want to deny that the things that I did while drinking were destructive, both to myself and others.

Step One is the foundation on which the entire program rests.  I feel that the new step accomplishes three things.  It admits entirely the negative effects of alcohol, encompasses the feeling of powerlessness without the absoluteness of it, and takes initial responsibility for those bad choices that were made while under the influence.

Over the next few months, I will continue deconstructing each step, noting the changes I made and why.  Keep in mind, although I believe these changes will be helpful to most people interested in “working the steps”, Twelve Step programs are not for everyone.  Only you can decide what’s right for you and your sobriety.You can see the full list of my personal steps here.