When I was drinking, at my heaviest I was fifty pounds overweight. The extra calories from the wine itself, paired with the fact that most of my calories were being eaten late at night just before bed, meant that my weight had slowly crept up despite my physically active job.
Near the end of my drinking days, I felt this profound sense of loss of autonomy over my own body. Not only could I not control my addiction, but I felt like I had lost my sense of control over my physical health and wellbeing. I felt uncomfortable in my clothes, in my skin, in my own body. This type of self-loathing created a cycle inside my head of wanting to escape from myself when I could. When I was much younger, my escape came from self-mutilation. Now that I was older, it was right into a few glasses of wine- which was, of course, only making things worse.
The Tiny Squid 