Recovery is certainly a journey in personal growth and open-mindedness. It asks us to be open, to be honest, and to evaluate our beliefs. Step Two and the “power greater than ourselves” attempts a basis on a spiritual level. This step is widely considered to be an important part of the foundation of the Twelve Steps. It therefore became essential that I amend this step so that it could be built upon in a way that would work for my own program. I do not believe in a higher power. I tend to call myself an atheist, because it is usually the most effective way to answer the question I know the person is really asking: “Do you believe in God?” I do not. However, I do not consider myself an atheist at heart. I am a Possibilian.
I first heard the term “Possibilian” from a neuroscientist, David Eagleman, after reading his book “Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives”. I looked up his TED talk on it, and was thrilled to learn that there was an eloquent alternative to the hard and fast positions of both atheism and theism alike. When asked whether he was an atheist or a religious person on NPR in 2009, he replied “I call myself a Possibilian: I’m open to…ideas that we don’t have any way of testing right now.” It’s less of a religious stance, and more of a scientific stance on the subject of theism and the unknown.
Eagleman further explains in an interview with The New Yorker:
“Our ignorance of the cosmos is too vast to commit to atheism, and yet we know too much to commit to a particular religion. A third position, agnosticism, is often an uninteresting stance in which a person simply questions whether his traditional religious story (say, a man with a beard on a cloud) is true or not true. But with Possibilianism I’m hoping to define a new position — one that emphasizes the exploration of new, unconsidered possibilities. Possibilianism is comfortable holding multiple ideas in mind; it is not interested in committing to any particular story.”
I have endeavored to apply the idea of Possibilianism not only to my religious beliefs, or lack thereof, but also to my journey in recovery. This idea of holding multiple ideas in mind, of embracing the words “I don’t know”, while also rejecting ideas and habits that no longer have value- these things have been an integral part of my sobriety. Drinking did not work for me. Neither did moderation. These are things I know to be true for me personally. I do, however, try to be open-minded when it comes to trying new approaches. I find it imperative to never dismiss an idea outright, which is why I chose the amended step as I did.
Step 2
Actual Step:
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
New Step:
I believe that a power within myself in tandem with supports and strengths beyond my own awareness and resources can restore me to a healthier, more balanced, and positive state of mind, body and soul.
Inspiration:
The notion of “supports and strengths beyond my own awareness and resources” resonated with me, because it fills in this gap of the unknown. I can research the data on efficacies of different treatments for alcoholism, but the fact is that each approach has worked for someone. Why not me? Why not you? If we don’t attempt it, or at least hold the idea in mind to give it some careful consideration, we may be losing out on an amazing resource- one that we may not have known about, one that may not work for others, but could work for you.
It also may seem counterintuitive for a non-theist to include the word “soul” in their Step Two. Why use a concept so closely tied to traditional theism and spirituality? Perhaps it is a nod to the things we do not know, and the things we can define for ourselves without a cultural connotation attached. A soul is defined as the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body. I do not necessarily believe in the spiritual aspect of a soul; the immortal plane of existence. I do believe, though, that our lives have meaning to ourselves and others. I believe that we have choices, and that those choices have effects that can be far reaching. I believe that if you want to sum up that knowledge, that experience, and the wide range of emotions and thoughts we have both as individuals and collectively- a soul might be a great way to describe it.
AA chose this word, “believe”, carefully and purposefully. To believe is to accept something as true. While I am sure that this step was meant to be accepted with certainty, I choose a different route. I choose to embrace uncertainty. Only when I welcomed those things I did not know with open arms could I even begin the journey to sobriety. I’ve mentioned the familiarity and the predictability of drinking. To stop was to take a leap into a life I could never have prepared for. I aim, in this step and in the subsequent ones, to continue to take stock of the information I have available and be willing to change based on what I learn. For myself, this is the way I remain open. This is the way I attempt to explore the unknown instead of fearing it.
As Voltaire said, “Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position. But certainty is an absurd one.”
The Tiny Squid 